So here's one you might have missed while everyone was fighting over spy balloons and getting their bets in on the Super Bowl: Chick-fil-A is making a ‘plant forward’ veggie sandwich that contains no chicken whatsoever. I've seen the ads and this thing is exactly what it sounds like, a bad idea.
I'll even take it a step further and say that whatever strategist decided to eliminate chicken is guilty of FOWL play.
Forgive the pun, or don't, it's America, where, as you read this, every Chick-fil-A has a drive-thru line wrapped around its building. Which is why the company needs to stay in its lane.
CHICK-FIL-A TESTING NEW SANDWICH OPTION FEATURING CAULIFLOWER FILET
Chick-fil-A is so popular their drive-thru is like the Oregon Trail. Often the people you start the journey with are no longer with you by the time you reach the window.
And nobody is spending that much watching their friends stare at their phones so that they can NOT get Chicken.
Now some of you will say but Jimmy, Chick-fil-A has changed its menu before to add grilled chicken, so what's the big deal?
To which I say, you're right. And remind you that they've also added a breakfast menu with biscuit sandwiches and what do both of these additions have in common?
Chicken.
CHICK-FIL-A REVEALS MENU HACKS TO UPGRADE YOUR ORDER
The place is called CHICK-FIL-A because it's famous for chicken.
You wouldn't want to go to a Madonna concert to not see Madonna.
Actually, that's a bad analogy because her latest makeover is a little out there.
Apparently, when she said she was a "Material Girl" she meant botox.
CHICK-FIL-A'S FOUR-DAY WEEKEND EXPERIMENT
But there's a lesson in here for Chick-fil-A and every other fast food marketing department that's trying way too hard to be too many things to too many people.
The more you broaden your menu the closer you come to losing that unique niche that made you famous in the first place.
Think about it: Chick-fil-A has chicken, Arby's has meat, and White Castle has stomach cramps.
CHICK-FIL-A TO OPEN 1ST HAWAII RESTAURANT IN SEPTEMBER
The point being that Chick-fil-A is adored the world over for world-class chicken and they should act like it.
There's no need for the marketing team to get all insecure and worry about the vegans.
Trust me, vegans already have an option. It's called SADNESS.
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I get that people are trying to work more vegetables into their diets for health benefits but in this case, there aren't any because the vegetable in question is a chunk of cauliflower that's breaded and fried and marinated in Buffalo Sauce.
That's not a healthier sandwich, that's Cos Play, for people who really want a fried chicken sandwich but can't bring themselves to give up the "meat is murder" sticker on their Prius.
It goes too well with the "Hate Has No Home Here" and the one that says "If you're not angry, you're not paying attention."
Earth to Chick-fil-A: stop this charade right now.
You are absolutely beloved by millions of people who consume your product like it's a religious experience.
And if you betray their faith, it's only a matter of time before customers start giving YOU the bird.
