Happy Wednesday, America. Now, when you think of San Francisco, what did you use to think of? Cable cars? Rice-A-Roni? Alcatraz? Carl Malden's nose? Yeah. You remember him, right? 

Now they call it "Frisco" because shoplifter stole the other letters. You may have heard – Nordstrom's closing both downtown stores due to the astonishing amount of shoplifting. When asked about Nordstrom folding, the White House said they thought they already blew that up. 

NYC MAYOR ERIC ADAMS SAYS 'MIGRANT CRISIS' UNDER BIDEN ADMINISTRATION HAS 'DESTROYED' CITY

KARINE JEAN-PIERRE: One of the things that has been out there, the shutdown, the pipeline of Nordstrom one. 

Well, yeah, we dug that up. We dug it up. But that could happen to anyone – who among us hasn't confused a pipeline with a department store. I'm sure I've had gas in both. Yeah. Yeah. It's okay to laugh. 

But, yeah, another major retailer hauls *** because of crime. Or as Nordstrom put it, quote, "The dynamics of the downtown San Francisco market have changed dramatically, impacting customer foot traffic to our stores and our ability to operate successfully." 

True, nothing impacts foot traffic like those feet hopping over needles and piles of poop or getting run over by violent, looting nutjobs. So let me translate what that statement really means for you. Thanks to liberal policies built out of cowardice from spineless politicians that refuse to judge or punish street scum's criminal behavior. Once again, something that was good has been ruined. May you all die in the next big earthquake. I added that last part for dramatic effect. Yeah. That's why I don't work in P.R. – Puerto Rico. 

Yeah, but you can't sell stuff if shoplifters already stole it. And crime makes customers stay away. So it makes it kind of tough to run a business. And it's not just Nordstrom. Twenty stores have closed in downtown S.F. since 2020. Whole Foods, Crate and Barrel, Marshal's Office Depot, Saks, Banana Republic, even the Gap. Thankfully, Baby Gap stayed open. Their onesies fit me perfectly. SF is boarding up so many windows, they better pray Home Depot doesn't close or they're really screwed. Then they'll have to borrow Paul Pelosi's hammer. Well, yeah. He's a victim of crime. He's a victim of crime. And it's all due to the incompetence and willful negligence of local leaders.

 You can't blame the pandemic because the policies were there first, and there's no vaccine against that, despite all the syringes. The downtown Whole Foods opened roughly a year ago, and since then there were 568 emergency calls to police. That's almost as many crimes as turds on the sidewalk. I know because I sent Jesse's assistant, Johnny, to count them – he didn't mind.

The report on one 911 call states "man with machete is back." The caller was immediately arrested for assuming the attacker's gender, but the keyword there is "back." So this wasn't his first visit with the machete and he wasn't there to cut prices. It is Whole Foods. 

Other calls detailed how vagrants threw food, attacked customers, overdosed on drugs, and even tried to crap on the floor. Sounds like fondue night at Kudlow's house. That's why he's always smiling. 

So why not call the cops? Well, you can try, but they might not be there to pick up the phone. The S.F. Police Department has lost more than 330 officers since 2017. I guess you don't have to defund the police if they all quit. So why do people think it's okay to just walk out of a store with an armful of merch without paying for it? Because in places like San Francisco, it is okay. 

The city stopped enforcing the law years ago. A decade ago, even. An SF ballot referendum downgraded any theft of less than 950 bucks from a felony to a misdemeanor. It's like playing the Price is Right and you win if the loot adds up to under a grand. At least it's forcing people to do math, something the schools no longer do. 

And security guards there are now told not to stop shoplifters. So what are they securing exactly? A low paying job where they get to watch stepmom **** on their phones? That sounds pretty good. And the one thing all these cities have in common? They're run by the left, a.k.a. America hating scum. To progressives, prosecuting crime is racist. It persecutes the oppressed. A smash and grab is really justifiable redistribution. 

And who cares of the law-abiding are the ones who get hurt? That's for their white privilege, even if they're Asian, black, or Hispanic. But you can't pick an ideology of chaos and then expect order. We tried to point this out to them and they just laughed. And now the Democrats are paying for it in their own cities. And of course, they'll blame the system and not themselves. Meanwhile, Frisco has spent over 400 million bucks on a net to keep people from committing suicide off the Golden Gate Bridge. If only there were a net for the city itself.